Losing battles, winning wars

29 Aug

So here I am…doing something new, doing really well with it, feeling great, seeing results, sharing my story, loving my success. And then it happens…..that same old battle. It kind of snuck up on me this time. I was at work on Thursday doing what I do and suddenly the bag of Snyder’s pretzels in my desk started calling my name.  It said “Annnnnnneeeee…….you know you want some. Have just an handful….you will feel so much better.”  So I counted out one serving, ate it, and heard the whisper again.  “Aaaaannnnnnneeeeee, you know you want more…need more to feel better…just a little bit, come on have some more”. Dang it, why do Snyder’s pretzels have to be so stinkin’ good? Before I knew it, that bag of pretzels was now in my stomach asking “don’t you feel better Anne?… oh, you don’t? well you are stuck with us now…sucker…”

 

It’s kind of embarrassing and I’m actually hesitant to blog about it right now. I have come so far in such a short little time. To stop and admit to the world that this is still hard, that I still struggle. Why am I still giving my emotions over to food?  I thought I was over this. It has been weeks since I felt like this or ate like this. What is my deal? Am I not strong enough? Why do these moments of doubt and struggle come after such great victories…and will they ever go away?

 

All weekend I thought about it…worried about it…punished myself for it…over analyzed every angle…worried about what was going on in my head. I was so focused on one moment in time…one battle lost. The never ending battle. It took a conversation with one of my close friends to realize that as I focused on this one battle, I was not able to see how I was winning the war.

 

In the same week I lost the pretzel battle, I packed up a closet full of clothes that are 2 sizes too big. I exercised every day even though the shin splints are screaming at me. I met my calorie goal each day. I diversified my greens…even ate broccoli…blech! My resting heart rate and recovery rate has drastically improved in the last 3 months. My weight has dropped and my confidence has soared.

 

Rome wasn’t built in a day and my habits are not going to change over night. What can change is my reaction to them. To get something different, I need to do something different. Right now that something different is to change my perspective. It may start with losing a battle and just getting up and moving on. Eventually, it may be these battles become easy victories….learning to do something other than eat my emotions. Who knows….I could be well on the way towards the end of my war with food. Only time will tell. In the mean time, I can’t worry about what battles I will face or what others will think. For each battle lost, there are at least a handful of victories that surround it. My something different is to focus on those victories, big and small, with or without pretzels.

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