What do you want more?

21 Sep

I have a personal trainer. His name is Tony and he is awesome. There, I said it. I have been hesitant to share this information with the world for the two usual reactions I get from people.  “Wow, how much does that cost?”  I don’t know…compared to a heart attack I think I’m making out pretty good.  The other reaction is “well, if I had a trainer, I could lose weight too.”  Here’s the deal. It is not about the trainer. It is about what I want more.


Look at Oprah. This woman has an unlimited amount of resources at her disposal. A few years ago she challenged herself and ran a marathon. Being Oprah, she had the assistance of a personal trainer, a personal chef, and the rest of her staff to get her through. Every day she had to decide what she wanted and what she was going to do about it. You can have all the personal training you want, but the trainer cannot run the miles for you. Years later she has gained some weight back. Why? Her resources didn’t change…the woman has more money than God. I am willing to bet she changed her mind and her ways and went back to her pre-marathon self…she forgot what she wanted more.


This week has been killer for me with the workouts. Tuesday night I was on the treadmill for 6 minutes and I wanted to quit. What do I want more…to quit or to get something better? I want something better. I heard Tony’s voice in my head from my Monday night work out “What are you doing? You don’t quit.”  Dang it. What could I do to get at least 30 minutes in?  I called my best friend who is famous for her ability to talk. Ironically, she was not in a chatty mood. I said “Nicole, I need to you to talk to me. Come up with something” and it was listening to her that kept me moving. She could have read me the phone book for all I cared. I needed someone’s help and I asked for it. I want something better.


Last night was the same thing. On the treadmill for 10 minutes and my heart rate was not even past 130. Forget this, I’m done. What do you want more? Okay, another 5 minutes. Switch songs on Pandora. The heart rate is still too low….I’m not going to hit 150…forget this…what do you want more? Okay, I will do at least 30 so I don’t get yelled at. What do you want more? What do you want more? What do you want more? I must have asked myself the same question 100 times. Each time my answer is “something better”. And so I kept walking and eventually my heart rate was 150. I finished my 50 minute work and felt great because I didn’t quit. I want more.


This past weekend I ate bagel chips. I know…probably going straight to diet hell for that, right? Half of me says that if that is the worst thing I eat all week, oh well. This is a time to show myself grace. The other half knows full well what that is going to do to the scale this week and I’m not happy. The math will catch up and the pounds will come off next week…I have seen this pattern many times over the last 3 months. I know better. I want better. Again, harsh but honest words from Tony “One day this training thing is going to end and you are not going to have me to hold you accountable to not eating bagel chips. What are you going to do? You have to find something else to do other than eat.”  My first thought was “screw you dude…you don’t know what it’s like”. But here is the thing, he is 100% right. I can’t be mad at him for it. I need the honesty and the reminder…what do I want more?


If you have a trainer or not….decide now, and on the treadmill, and in the kitchen, and by the treat cart, and in the grocery store, and at dinner with friends… What do you want more?  If you want something different you will need to do something different. Choose more. Do more. You are worth it.





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