Who are you fooling?

15 Jan

The short answer? Nobody.

December was a challenging weight loss month. Actually, I really can’t say loss…more like maintain. It’s the best month to lose weight really, with all the holiday treats and parties and stuff….how I wish that was the real reason for my lack of success. What was the reason? A bunch of things, but mainly because I stopped writing my food down in my journal and showing to my food police.

I told myself I was fine because I still tracked my calories on my phone. I ate within my calories 90% to 95% of the time. I exercised like crazy…even earned the “pool shark” badge on Lose It. There is something about recording food on my phone…I can “hide” from the poor choices much easier.  Then I get frustrated on weigh in days.  Hmmmm…now why would that be?

Tony (my food police) called me out on it today.  In fact, he has been asking to see my journal for weeks. I just kept laughing it off saying “yeah, when I find it.” He will flip through my phone and see what I have recorded. Today I got a “Gram, a pocket sandwich and pretzels…what is going on?” The answer, sometimes I know and sometimes I don’t. This whole month I thought I had him. Tony would not find out my secret…the crappy food choices I was hiding by not writing it down. Turns out he knew the whole time…by the results on the scale. He was just too kind to say anything.

Today’s workout was brutal.  Actually, it wasn’t but I just wanted to quit… my head was just not in the game.  The more progress I have made, the more in shape I get, the harder I have to work during each workout. So yeah, I’m not happy about that. Tony has said time and again things will not get easier.  My strategy today was to kill time. I would pause between sets, drink extra water, move slower than usual. And then he called me out on it. Damn…turns out he knew exactly what I was doing. I wasn’t fooling myself and I wasn’t fooling him.

So the something different here…no more hiding, no more games. Owning my choices and their consequences. WRITING IT DOWN. I have come too far to slack off now. I have worked to hard to lose hope. To get something different, I need to do something different. No more fooling myself…it’s time to work.

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