Archive | February, 2013

Want it like nothin’ else

26 Feb

So I have this goal to run a half marathon this year but can’t seem to make it past running more than 1 mile at a time. I’m on the treadmill so I know exactly how far I have gone in what time. The pace is good for me, my heart rate is in the right zone. Every time I come to a mile suddenly I am dying of thirst or have to walk a bit. I just couldn’t do it.

Last week I decided I needed to break past this barrier. It was gonna happen Sunday. I planned to meet someone at the gym to make sure that I had someone to stand there and make sure I passed a mile straight. I thought about it all week. Okay, maybe I could do this.

After a fun Saturday night, I woke up Sunday morning expecting to feel like hell but instead I felt great. Downed some water to combat the dehydration. Then I got a text…my workout partner bailed. I went to the gym anyway. It was supposed to be the day I ran more than a mile straight. Looking back, they really did me a favor by not showing. I needed to want it, do it, fight for it, believe it. This needed to come from me…for me.

25 minutes later and over a mile for sure, I slowed to a walk. It felt AMAZING. I did it!! It wasn’t until I really wanted it that I was able to do it. And just because I’m an overachiever, tonight I ran 3.1 miles on the treadmill…straight. No breaks. No water. 12 min/mile pace the whole time. I think I told myself “fight for it” at least 50 million times. Honestly, I probably could have done this weeks ago but I was a big chicken.

Tonight was as a big a milestone as meeting a weight loss goal in this journey. Actually, this one is bigger.  The old me would discount the accomplishment…it was on a treadmill with no elevation, it was slower pace, it wasn’t outside so it didn’t really count. The new me owns every part of it and will brag all day tomorrow. I finally decided I wanted it like nothin’ else and it was mine.

The same goes with making any life change. It won’t really happen until you want it like nothin’ else. You are willing to do anything, give anything to make it happen. And you mean it. You make changes. You get used to being uncomfortable. You focus. You struggle. You fight. You succeed. Want it like nothin’ else….work for it like nothin’ else….and let me tell you it feels like nothin’ else.

 

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In a million years

24 Feb

Some time back in October 2011 a group of girls from work and I signed up for LoseIt. The first thing you have to do is pick a goal…how much you want to lose and how fast (2 pounds a week or 1 pound a week). I put in a number that I thought was totally unrealistic. In a million years I never thought I would make it. It was a “I wish…/yeah, right” than a “I will”.

This week I crossed that number. Not in a million years….on Wednesday, February 20. HOLY CRAP. Never in a million years did I think it was possible and here I stand, 85 pounds down. A part of me is mortified that I weighed that much, but a much bigger part is super proud of earning every pound lost.  Did I mention that in a million years I never thought it would happen?

I spent the last few days celebrating. The BEST thing was giving my trainer a workout. We had a deal for weeks that once I hit the goal, he would do whatever I said.  It was great to tell him what to do….but it wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be because the man is a machine. Powered through 85 pushups like no big deal. Situps too. Only 10 pull ups (I was being nice there) and 8 heavy bag pushes.  Totally forgot to make him do burpies….maybe next time.

Celebrations continued last night with a night out and some well deserved drinks. Woke up this morning feeling great…drank a lot of water…and headed to the gym. For the first time ever I ran 25 minutes straight. Heck yeah!! Finished the workout with situps and stretching and came home to enjoy an egg white omelet with mushroom and cheddar.

So in the spirit of this celebration, I feel like it is time to take a minute and thank some people for their help over the last 9 months.  In no particular order (and not an exhaustive list by far), I will start with Amber.

Miss Amber, you are my person that showed me it was possible. Without you leading the way I would have never thought it was possible for me. You are my shopping buddy and I LOVE IT that we both don’t shop at LB anymore!

Tony, Tony, Tony. You are the man. I cannot thank you enough for pushing me beyond what I thought was possible. I love that you believe I can do the crazy shit you throw my way way before I believe it. You watched me face my demons and never judged me. Thank you for your patience and for letting me complain. Every time I say “I hate you” I am lying. You are a big part of why I am able to celebrate.

Me and Tony

Carolyn….you unselfishly let me run my first 5k and taught me the secrets of a gluten free lifestyle. Thank you for being such a good friend to me, when I am at my best and worst.

Nicole, Mike, Anthony and Nicholas…from the summer walking back in the day to the Disney vacation to anything and everything in between. You guys are my family and I forever grateful for your friendship.

The girls at work…from signing up to LoseIt, afternoon walk breaks, bringing in better treats, telling me to throw away the cookies, you guys keep me going.

My dad and brother…for letting me choose the restaurant because of my weird eating and your support and encouragement. We are the three amigos!!

My poo poo dog Denver…he gets the good and bad of me and loves me anyway.

Anyone who shared your story with me….it is inspiring to hear of your progress. It is comforting to know I am not alone in this struggle. And it is a joy to be able to celebrate your success with you.

To get something different, you need to do something different. Push yourself. Believe. Work. Fight. You are worth it. You can do it!

 

Sabotage

19 Feb

Tonight on the Biggest Loser one of the contestants had a hard week and I saw myself in her story. Gina has been the biggest loser week to week but hit some bumps in the road. Bob asked her if she was nervous about her weight loss this week and whether she was sabotaging herself.

Suddenly Bob was not on TV but in my living room.  “Anne, you have had so much success so far. You have lost over 80 pounds, but now you are struggling.  What are you afraid of? Why are you eating like this? Are you trying to sabotage yourself?”

Crap. That’s it. What am I afraid of? Why am I trying to keep myself from further success? Why do I feel defeated before I even try? What is with self sabotage?

Truth is that I have not been here my whole life….I was the fat girl with glasses. I don’t know what it is like to be smaller than a 16. I don’t know what an average size tummy is supposed to look like. I remember feeling like I was huge in high school…and that happens to be the size I am now. I can’t imagine this other side…the fit and healthy lifestyle continued. Will I fit in?  Will I be able to keep up if I join a running club…or will I be the fat girl falling behind the pack?

This year Valentine’s Day was awesome because for the first time in a long time I can say I am truly happy with life and proud of my accomplishments. I accept compliments instead of trying to dismiss them. I take every chance I get to flex my new muscles. I show off my size 12 finds from Clothes Mentor. I kill it at kick boxing class. I am happy where I am…it is on the verge of familiar. I’m not convinced I deserve more…or that I can do more…. How do I break through this?

I don’t know….and I’m totally open to suggestions. But what I do know is that to get something different I need to do something different. Damn, this is hard.

Clarify your objective

10 Feb

The other day I went to eat lunch with my friend Carolyn. I told her about my new time waster…Words with Friends. I love this game and am well on the way to being totally obsessed with it. Words speaks to the nerd and competitor in me while being easily accessed on my phone during lunch or at night while watching TV. It is the perfect way to kill time. Carolyn says she plays too; that her daughter will even remind her to play when the notification is on her phone. Then she said something to the effect of “sometimes I don’t like playing because it makes me feel stupid”.  My response: clarify for your objective. Words with Friends is about wasting time…not measuring intelligence.

Earlier this week I was talking with my friend Cindy. She is feeling discouraged after gaining a few pounds 2 weeks in a row. Man, have I been there. The power that one number has is ridiculous. My saying for the scale has been “one piece of data at one point it time”. When we look at the number on the scale we are narrowing in on one part of the story, and it’s not even the best part.

The next morning I got to work and asked Cindy what her primary goal was and without missing a beat she said “hustle” (as in Hustle up the Hancock at the end of February). So I asked if that is your goal, why are we so concerned with weight this week? What is success? Being first to finish? Finishing at all? Finishing with a personal best time? Finishing while encouraging others? Because if it is one of those, total pounds lost to date has nothing to do it.

To get something different, you need to do something different. Clarify your objective. Work towards a life…not a weight.

From the start mine has been survive Disney and run a half marathon. Weight was never the goal and quite frankly that number means less to me now than it ever has. Wearing jeans that are the size I was in high school means something. Knowing I can do 40 sit ups at any moment means something. The fact that I can keep up with all the skinny people in a kick boxing class means something. Sure, I could focus on the small amount of pounds I have lost over the last two months…I would be floored if it totals 15…and be really upset about it. The old me certainly would be discouraged and I would give up. Not anymore. My “something different” here is focusing on how far I have come; celebrating milestones and the benefits of all this work; and valuing my definition of success over that of others. Trust me; it works. I’ve got an 80 pound weight loss to prove it.

A letter to moms

1 Feb

I am not one of you. I have no idea what it is like to be pregnant or to have a child. I do not know the love and joy or the sacrifice and frustration that comes with being a mother. I do not know what it is like to be responsible for taking care of another human being 100% of the time. I do not know the worry that comes with a high fever, the pride that comes with watching your child succeed, or the sweetness of every day family moments. I do not know (and can’t imagine…you ladies are amazing) what it is like to work all day and then come home and take care of a family all night. I do not know what it is like to leave your little ones, if only for an hour or for a weekend. I don’t know what it’s like and can’t even relate to a big part of who you are and what you do.

What I do know, I can tell you with 100% certainty. While your kids need you now; they are going to need you just as much in the future. Please take care of yourself, mind, body and spirit. Be intentional about it. Be mindful. Maybe even get a little selfish with it. Take care of yourself first so you can take care of others, now and in the future.

Yeah right, Anne. In what time? How am I supposed to do that? I am doing all I can and you want me to add something else? Who are you to judge what I do for my family?

I don’t know what the answer is. I’m not saying that you don’t take care of yourself…just wondering…do you do enough for you sometimes?

I am speaking for your kids and what they don’t know they need just yet (and what I’m guessing you haven’t even thought about yet). My mom died of brain cancer when I was 10. I am lucky in remembering bits and pieces of her. I am lucky to have other peoples’ moms step in and help me when I needed it most. And I am the most lucky that in those 10 short years that I was able to pick up enough of her for people to say “now that was something your mom would do”.

I can’t even imagine what it would be like to have a mom right now. I don’t know what it is like to pick up the phone and have her listen to a story about my day. She was not there to watch me graduate. She didn’t get to celebrate my first job. She never saw my apartment in Nashville. She has never played fetch with my dog. She isn’t going to be there when I run my first half marathon and all the other events to come in my life.

I don’t know. Maybe this post is more about me missing her than anything. Even if that is the case, please take one thing away…care for yourself, mind and body. If you are not doing anything now, try 5 minutes…or 1 thing…or something, anything. Please do not consciously contribute to a poor quality of life when you are older and miss the many opportunities to be with your children and eventually grandchildren. They need you, mom. Please take care of yourself.

MeandMom